A few years ago, Eat Pray Love was all over the media – in cinemas, in the paper, in magazines, on the news – Elizabeth Gilbert made the best sellers list for 182 weeks with her true-life journey through marriage breakdown, travel, self-discovery, and love. Why the interest? What was the phenomenon that captured the attention of its readers? Why were women all over the world connecting with this story? Journalists said it was the writing, the characters, the adventure, the scenery. Could it also be that women were secretly envying Elizabeth? In the quiet of their hearts do they yearn to escape their day to day life, to find themselves?
The ability for mothers to incorporate balance into their lives is so vital. No human, whether they be a CEO, a sporting star, a motivational speaker, teacher, or mother, is able to burn the candle at both ends. Eventually, something will have to give. Most commonly this is represented in errors being made, lack of connection with loved ones or health issues. Time and again research will demonstrate the positive effects of regular exercise and healthy eating on our energy levels and ability to focus. It is vital mothers look after themselves in every way and fortunately for women there are many self-development resources available for this generation. I suggest you refer to these if you haven’t already!
I am certain we are in agreement – mothering is as taxing an occupation as any. The ability for a mother to be ‘on’ 24 hours a day without downtime cannot possibly be healthy. Not only am I concerned for the physical health and vitality of mothers, but for the health of their soul as well. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually, we need to prioritize ourselves. What is your time? How do you relax and unwind? Regain energy and inspiration? Do you have a certain something you know you can refer to when you recognize you are not functioning at your highest self? If not, I implore you to determine what is important to you and how you can incorporate feeling good into your life NOW, TODAY!
I am not suggesting you jet off to Italy like Elizabeth Gilbert! My methods of achieving calm and purpose are not quite as extravagant as a trip overseas but they assist me. I have a few pick-me-ups I use regularly – a cup of tea while reading, music (I have many songs that can change my mood instantly) and my fairy lights. I have fairy lights in my bedroom and along the banister of my stairwell. On an early morning (my favorite part of the day) when it’s still dark outside, I feel so blessed when I look around my home as it is lit by their soft glow.
It is imperative you find the something special that allows you to experience the state you desire. Inspiration, motivation, patience, love, connection, strength, purpose -whatever it is you feel you may be lacking. Perhaps a team sport is your time or an individual walk. One mother of five I know loves gardening and finds sanity in this experience. Not only is she feeling purposeful and calm she feels connected to the earth and to her children as the youngest often helps her with this task.
I am wondering if you are convinced that you deserve time to yourself or if the guilt is still whispering in your ear?. I understand mother guilt and I can appreciate your feelings wholeheartedly. I’ve felt guilty about working and not working, studying and not studying, saving money and spending money, exercising and not exercising, being too soft on my children and being too hard on my children. Sometimes it feels like it is never-ending! As an early childhood teacher, I hear these topics raised by mothers all too often. Should they go out to dinner with their husbands? How will their children feel if they go away with the girls for the weekend? They feel so bad because the children have had a long day at preschool. The list goes on and on – sound familiar?
What about the times we speak to our children without thinking? You know the times, you’ve had a big day, you’re thinking of a million things, you’re not in a wonderful state-of-mind and you end up rousing on your children as a reaction to something that probably would have been fine on any other day of the week! Then, of course, you feel guilty that you reacted that way!
Guilt is a warning signal – a call to action. When you feel guilty, you have done something that is not aligned with your values. This is why I believe guilt is like a gift. When you notice guilt, you can become excited because it means you have an opportunity to grow further into your authentic self. Louise L Hay, a famous metaphysical lecturer, and author believes one of two things happens with guilt. Either it hides and then re-surfaces so you have to go through it again (have you experienced this?) or it hides and forms as illness in your body. When I notice guilt, I have changed my meaning of it, so now I actually almost smile because I believe I am about to experience more growth as a mother and as a person. You can do this too!
You don’t need to expect to master this overnight, however, I absolutely believe if you change the meaning of guilt then you will find parenting has just become that little bit easier! Try it – it’s certainly well worth the effort!